I often wonder sometimes what motivates me, keeps me going, and inspires me. And then I also wonder why I am unmotivated or, in worse case scenarios, recalcitrant towards life.
I find it difficult sometimes trying to evaluate my own emotional back drop. A fault I’m sure many people are guilty of. This all recently surfaced over the past few weeks as I have taken a magnifying glass in assessing my skills as a performer and artist.
This skill of self-assessment, I think, is imperative and fundamental to my abilities as a musician. It effects my ability to be an artist. I can easily assess my skills as a teacher because there are tangible results. But being your own teacher, your own life coach….takes more…something…mental power, facility, will power, control, and being able to honestly look at yourself and see what’s really there, not what you want to see.
This path, experience, adventure…what have you…has been enlightening. Difficult, no doubt, but worth it. I have begrudgingly looked at the things I want to fix – and most importantly – looked at the motivation behind wanting to fix them. Do you wish to increase your knowledge of the world because you want to or because you fight to find your place among your peers. Do you study and practice because you want to challenge yourself or because you are fueled by greed or jealousy?
Being a musician, to me, involves not only growing as an artist, but also cultivating the skills to further my creativity. Being an artist means more than simply wielding a paint brush or playing an instrument. Though I may not always be able to adequately put it into sentences that are coherent or make any sense. Being artist, a musician, includes living like one, continually striving to find your motivation and inspiration. Learning to break down the various boundaries, emotional and physical, that keep you from finding that inspiration or motivation. Sort of like how an author fights writers block.
I have come to a point where, in order to keep growing, I must turn inward and look at my own stressors. I must identify my mental and emotional blocks and learn to either break them down and overcome them or work around them.
One thing I’ve have always respected about myself is my ability to look at situations or events in an unbiased light. I am capable of seeing things for what they are, uncovering the truth. A skill I must learn to use on myself.
And that concludes this random rant of none sense. I’m allowed at least one of these vague posting every now and then. Maybe it makes sense to you.